Everyone knows the parable Jesus tells about the Prodigal Son. I have heard that parable many times in my life – it’s probably the one I remember the most. However, ever since I was younger and could grasp the teaching of the story – I often wondered how anyone could feel like the brother who stayed. Why would anyone be upset when the prodigal son returns home? Its a joyous celebration when someone who is lost and strayed from God’s kingdom returns – I just never understood where that feeling would come from or why the other son felt that way. WELL….. I get it. God penned that story for a reason and Now I finally understand.
Throughout my divorce, I have put on a face of grace and mercy. I have continually asked my friends to pray for Keith and his salvation and they have, same as I have. Many nights have been spent on my knees praying that he would find Christ in his life – that just him knowing the Lord would make it easier for him and I to have a co-parenting relationship together. Well, it appears that prayers are being answered and the spirit is moving in his life. He seems to be committed to his church and its teachings and Him and I are getting along and able to co-parent our precious girls. Great RIGHT?! WRONG… I was pissed! What a bitter pill to swallow that NOW after all the destruction that was left in his wake he finds Jesus. NOW after all I ever wanted was him to be the spiritual leader of my family does he find Jesus in his life and lead. I had to collect myself for a moment – because even though I was feeling this way – I knew that was not the way I should be feeling. My prayers and the prayers of my tribe were paying off… and all I could think was the same thing the other son thought in the Parable.. What about me father! Haven’t I been faithful all of this time? Why would you be happy that HE comes home after all he has done and squandered and destroyed! He has been terrible – He was a terrible Husband, Father and Person. On Cue, as always, God provided yet another beautiful passage of scripture that put me in check. Luke 15:4-7 says “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. There it is! An attitude adjustment straight from Heaven! It still hurts and as I said in my last post forgiveness is minute by minute. But I choose to continue to forgive and to work through my sorrow to see the true joy in the return of the Prodigal Son – The lost Sheep.
Divorce is not easy… Even after several years apart – its still not easy. Anger, bitterness, unforgiveness can creep up and try to steal your joy at any moment if you let it. The devil is alive and looking for a way in. My saving grace is my people that have stood in the Gap for Keith and still stand in the Gap for me when I most need them to. They talk me off the ledge, pray with me, pray for me and talk me through to the other side – the side where I can see all the amazing things GOD has done for me. The beautiful life he has given me, one with some tough life lessons, but beautiful all the same. I just keep thinking – Do I have a great testimony or what?!!!
So………… through my tears of sorrow I will praise God as one of the 99 – that the 1 has been found.