Life After Blog…

I know it is well past New Years Day – but I have been taking stock of 2022 and really thinking about what I want 2023 to look like. I jumped over some big hurdles last year to accomplish some really hard things. Change was the overall theme for 2022 and with change comes the uncomfortable. So I knew at the beginning of last year I was going to have to get really comfortable with the uncomfortable. No doubt Change is Hard. And it was – but I didn’t die from it.

We kicked 2022 off with a doozie of change – and I sold my house that held so many memories for me (both good and bad) and trekked through uncharted waters to buy a home in Lake Charles. I had never lived anywhere but in Sulphur so this was super scary for me. The house in Lake Charles was a great buy but it needed some remodeling work. Simultaneously I was neck deep in a massive rebuild/remodel project with some storm damaged apartments that I bought. It was a struggle to manage both projects but it showed me that I CAN do whatever I put my mind to.

We got settled in the house and after a few months finally started loving being in Lake Charles. The new apartment complex finished its renovations and came online – filling up within a month of advertising them.

Lizzy went away to law school making this the furthest we have ever lived apart. That has been hard but I am a proud mama watching her work hard for what she wants.

An appearance on a game show rounded out the summer. We are so excited about getting the air dates and letting our whole community watch along with us. We loved that we could represent our small corner of the world.

I played a whole lot of tennis! A whole lot! I improved my game and had an amazing year. 5 of my teams made a state appearance with 2 of them advancing to sectionals. My level of play got bumped up officially and this year along with me playing on some of my teams from last year – I will be captaining my own team.

With my State appearances I got connected with some amazing ladies in Lafayette and have some new friends, new tennis regulars, a tournament doubles partner and a dream opportunity as a travel agent! (Its quite amazing how GOD opens doors, connects people and brings opportunities and drops them at your feet)

Travel is ALWAYS a part of my year. We started the year with a friends trip to Fredericksburg, Tx. We were deeply entenched in NCAA basketball and traveled near and far to attend games. We topped off the season with a trip to San Antonio to attend the Elite 8 as well as a trip to New Orleans to watch the Final Four. Dean and I took a tennis focused trip to Key Biscayne, Miami, Fl and made some new tennis friends that we hope we can connect and play with again! We celebrated our friends birthdays on a biking trip through Vermont! I also made time for my girlfriends and joined them on a trip to Nashville and a trip to Fort Worth. We rounded out the year with a family trip to Myrtle Beach, SC for thanksgiving.

Wow – what a year. It’s been a good one but not without its struggles along the way. When I think about the previous year I think I accomplished what I set out to… And I am proud that I can do the hard stuff – whatever it is. Usually by the end of the each year the next year’s theme arises and so it has….

2023’s theme is Connection. Let me back up a bit. What I have found over the course of recent years is that the entire world population is distracted.. some might say we are “connected” because we have instant access to endless information and social media platforms. However, we are less connected than we ever have been in history! I see my littles being so consumed with their phones that sometimes they don’t even hear me when I speak to them. I see them getting a lot of needless information from the internet/social media but missing the good stuff – the good stories that my uncle tells, the opportunities to connect with family and friends, etc. I even see myself getting consumed with social media. I do not want that… I want to be connected in a way that people feel seen and known when they are with me. I recently read Glad You’re Here – by Walker Hayes (the country singer that sings “Fancy Like”). THIS Book! It was written along with Walker Hayes friend and neighbor, Craig zCooper who also led him to have a relationship with Jesus and become a believer. He did it by meeting him where he was in life – making Walker feel welcomed, SEEN, KNOWN and LOVED. We cannot do that if we are invested so much in social media and our phones. Connection is what drove Walker Hayes’s transformation! I want that to be my story – I want my circle of friends and family and those that I come in contact with throughout this year to feel that I am connected…..present…- seeing them, hearing them and knowing them.

A big part of connection is openness to perspective… For me I gain a broader range of perspective when I read books about real people’s stories and watch documentaries – so instead of having my head in Social Media – I will be expanding my mind that way. I hope to read 12 really good books this year! I highly recommend “Glad You’re Here” (as mentioned above) #walkerhayes #craigcooper

I also have some tennis goals (duh lol) this year. I Love sports as a whole and well… women’s sports are highly underrated and under attended and really 2nd in comparison to men’s sports. This year I am going to champion women’s sports – We will watch, buy tickets to women’s sporting events, etc. Maddie sees the disparity and I want her and I to be part of the change that puts women’s sports in equal footing with men’s. #girlpower

I am looking forward to another great year with alot of growth personally. I just turned 50 and like I have told my friends and family – that doesn’t make me sad at all!!! It’s just a number and I must say I am pretty proud to be 50 and do the things that I do. Most 50 year olds don’t or can’t!

So Cheers to 50 and cheers to 2023! I hope you and yours have a wonderful year full of good times, good people and good things!

I ran into a man that played ball with my dad. He remembered me from when I was a little girl following my dad around at the ball fields and basketball gyms. He is an old man now, and like me, is in need of Physical Therapy. So as we sat together in Physical Therapy we chatted. It did not take long for the conversation to go to all the fun times he had playing ball for many years. He talked about my dad and his competitiveness and wasn’t shocked at how competitive I was (Noone who knew my dad is shocked lol) and even shared a specific story of my dad – I laughed and treasured him sharing that with me. It was such a treat and a great conversation that brought back a lot of my core memories of my childhood and got me to thinking…..

Here this man sits, in his 70’s now, ailing with a bad right arm and what brought a smile to his face and a sparkle to his eyes were his memories of the good times he spent playing ball – it was a way of life for him and many like him – namely my dad. The comradery, the sportsmanship, the competitive spirit, the love of the game and the lifetime friendships that came from playing was evident.

Fast forward to why I am I being treated by a physical therapist – I have tennis elbow – from PLAYING TENNIS… wayyyyy to much tennis. But I have the bug – bad! And it is definitely a love for the game that my parents loved so much – but it is also because of the comradery, the sportsmanship, the competitive spirit, the love of the game and the friendships! I love my tennis friends and we are making the BEST memories.

And here is when I write specifically speaking to my teammates and more specifically to my doubles partners (I play on several teams). I am a lot. I know that I am. I am the offspring of a highly competitive, extremely athletically talented and spirited dad (and mom)…. And although I don’t necessarily like to lose – the full experience of playing alongside and with some amazing people resonates more than the win loss record. Getting to know everyone – cheering my team on – making memories and lifting one another up as we win or lose fills my cup! It is the very thing when I am old – I will reminisce about with whoever will listen. Money can’t buy these memories I am making. Thank you for tolerating my intensity! I love being connected in competition with each one of you.

Me and 2 of my tennis teams are heading to Sectionals, representing Louisiana in a couple of different divisions this weekend. I am so looking forward to having a great time with some AMAZING women! #LetsGo #WeAreGoingForTheWin #TomBrady

PS – My comradery, encouraging my partner and being positive on the court does not always come through when I am playing with Dean…. I love him dearly but I don’t always make it fun for him. But he has the best attitude and we laugh alot about it. I am working on it though….lol (I am good with him as long as we are winning :))

I love travel. My travels have taken me all over the world. Some have even had a specific purpose – to bring babies home to their forever family. After my divorce, travel was my therapy – it allowed new sights, new experiences and new people to sav my broken soul. Now – 7 years down the road – it is a way of life for me. Travel is so heavily engrained in my every day life – my husband calls it “my hobby”. What a FUN Hobby!!!

I have been given the unique opportunity to emerse myself into travel even more! God knew my heart and knew what I always wanted to do… bring travel to others and NOW I am able to do that as part of the Avenues 2 Travel team!!!! and I am soooo excited to start this chapter of my life. Avenues 2 Travel is a full service, independent travel agency that has been locally owned and operated since the early 80’s.

I will be blogging about some of my recent travel adventures including some specific MUST DO’s and MUST SEE’s. And….. be watching for some group travel trips that I will be putting together as well as some awesome travel specials and deals.

There are so many more places I want to go and explore. Please reach out if you would like my help booking or you just want to talk travel. You can email at melissa@avenues2travel.com and definitely check out my new Avenues2Travel Facebook Page at https://www.facebook.com/avenues2travel

Just wanted to share a FEW of my favorite travel pics.

#travelagent #avenues2travel #seetheworld #adventuretravel #cruisevacations #beachvacations

I have not sat down and written anything in quite some time. Life…. that is my excuse. But this topic has been stewing in me for quite a while. As some of you know my oldest daughter will be going to Law School in just a few short days. ( I have been shouting this fact from the highest rooftops) I am beyond proud of her. And of course I am – I am her mom – her biggest cheerleader. But what I want her to know and understand the depth of, is that – generations of women (not just those in her family) that came before her and paved the way are collectively holding their breath for you – cheering you on! I hope she knows that she is representing all of the faces of my friends, their daughters, other women in our community and their little girls reminding us that women can do anything we put our minds to – we to belong in the law profession or whatever profession we choose – we can contribute – AND WILL!

It wasn’t very long ago that we didn’t even have the right to vote (let that sink in for just a minute) let alone go to college…. Even today, in my family – There are still remnants of a generation who equated their worth to whether or not they were married. And here we are breaking that cycle – breaking those stereotypes or whatever you call them that have held women back for decades.

Tomorrow my community of amazing friends will celebrate her with a going away party. And just in case I forget – I am today raising a glass to the ones that thought they had to live in the shadow of others and never even bothered to dream anything was possible outside of what society saw as their role… It is possible.. Here she goes!!!!

And a special note to my baby daddy…. who sees her potential just as I do – and who is willing to move mountains (just as I am) to make this dream happen for her! More daddy’s should be like you!

Lizzy….. YOU can do HARD things! Now go rock Law School!

#yoursistersarewatchingyou

Here is my phone screen saver picture… My sweet beautiful girls.

It has been my screen saver on my phone for a year now. In January of 2021 I felt GOD prompting me to keep a journal of all the small, insignificant but beautiful and wonderful moments in my life. I didn’t understand why but was obedient and started an online journal to document them – and created this screensaver to remind me daily to be present and mindful of all the beautiful moments I get to witness.

My friend posted a devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries the other day that I read. It was about Looking back before Moving Forward. Once I read that devotion GOD finally revealed the purpose of having me keep record of the beauty I witnessed in 2021. It specifically states: “the poignant power of looking back before we lunge forward – It readjusts our vision and reveals God’s faithfulness. It fine-tunes our memory and fortifies our gratitude“. WOW…. 2021 GOD did so many good things – moments that I wanted to pay attention to because he was doing something new and good in my life. However, with the hustle and bustle of a busy year I could have sailed through and missed so many beautiful moments had I not stopped to document even the smallest of these.

Now that we have turned the page to 2022 – I went back and read through my 135 entries that I made in the last 12 months. And as the devotional states it cleared my vision and encouraged my gratitude for how far I have come and the many blessings that 2021 had for me. These entries highlighted examples that I witnessed of redemption, friendship, love, restoration, thoughtfulness, selflessness, connection and so much more. What perspective is earned when we stop and smell the roses along the way. It definitely helped me not forget these small but beautiful moments – I am so thankful for documenting them. #beautyabounds God wants us to pay attention as we move through this world at the gifts he gives us, and not the monetary ones either. We miss all the good stuff when we aren’t present, mindful and paying attention to the important things.

I so encourage you to do this exercise – even for a month. You will have so much to journal about.. When your eyes are open you see so much!

I am resetting this year with a clean slate for 2022 – getting ready to set some goals, choose a theme (I never do new years resolutions) and see where GOD leads me this year. Stay tuned for this year’s THEME…..

On the heels of 2020, the pandemic and hurricane recovery that kept alot of us at home – we ushered in 2021 and all hoped that it would be an improvement. I am not so sure that either the weather or COVID cooperated with us in achieving the status of “improved”. However, early on in the year I vowed to live each day to the fullest and although things are different now – in our town, our country and abroad – 2021 pushed us to see an alternative normal and work around what we now have to deal with and not let it stop us.

After my dad passed away it was clearly evident that tomorrow is not promised – and for all his working, planning and saving for a time when he and my mom could venture off and travel – his journey ended and very little of his bucket list was ever scratched off. I am not saying that he didn’t live a great life – he did – but he saved all of those years and worked hard just to have his time on earth run out before he got to go, see and do all the things he had hoped. And his story isn’t the only one that has the same storyline and ending….

SOOOOOO that was my motivation behind 2021 – my dad and a year wasted sitting at home because of covid and recovering because of mother nature. As this piece is titled numbers – let me give you my numbers for 2021: 4, 1, 2, 3, 2, 18 (these are not lottery numbers but they have yielded something way more valuable)

4 – weddings – 1 of which was mine

1 – funeral

2 – engagement parties

3 – Parties hosted by me – Eat the Cake, Mardi Gras and a Derby Shower

2 – Competitions – Annual Basketball tournament & Thanksgiving Human Foosball

18 – places I have traveled to this year. I was on the move every month but June. And some were weekend driving adventures – but we went… we explored, found adventure, and we enjoyed. Here is that list, in no particular order:

Fredericksburg, Tx (twice)

St. Francisville, La

Nashville, TN

Cabo San Lucas

Orlando, Fl

Whitefish, Montana

Mandeville, La – we love this place and went several times with friends

Yogi Bear Campground

Marble Falls, Tx

Orange Beach, Al

St. Louis, Mo

Colorado Springs, Co

Isla Mujeres, Mexico

Mena, Arkansas

Las Vegas, NV

Galveston, Tx

Goal accomplished. I refuse to live my life waiting on a better time to go, see and do. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me and today I am healthy and able and have this voracity for travel. In honor of my dad and others who worked their whole life and never got to their bucket list – I will not make your same mistake.

What I learned this year is that people and connection are so important…. that there is a lot of beauty to see in nature and within the US and sometimes a short drive outside your town you can find the best hidden treasures. We had such good times. We traveled alone, with our family (kiddos) and with our friends. We are tired and will be taking the rest of the holiday season to just stay home, rest and reset for 2022.

Here’s just a few pictures from our amazing year!

My day started with my youngest in tears. Her tears were over mean girls at her school. So the conversation ensued about friendship and how as a 5th grader you should choose your friends wisely and run far away from those messy, mean girls. It’s a tough conversation to have with a 10 year old who is heartbroken and thinks maybe I will just change schools. Sorry to break it to her (and I did) those mean girls exist at all schools, Middle Schools and high schools, colleges and even in the workplace. They never go away.

This lengthy conversation was followed by a phone call from one of my besties and a conversation about our friend group. She told me of a conversation she had with someone who was asking who she surrounds herself with and if those people were mediocre. She laughed…. they are far from mediocre! No – on the contrary – our friend group is comprised of extraordinary women! When she said that I echoed that same sentiment – EXTRAORDINARY not the least bit mediocre! And I have written about my friends before but felt like it was appropriate to revisit this topic as there is so much to learn from our group. I actually used our friend group as a model and an example for Mia this morning – and to my children all the time!

We are strong women…. all of us have been in the trenches in some capacity throughout our lives – we have buried children, parents, grieved losses, faced divorces, breakups, relationship challenges, life changes, etc. We are fierce, strong and fighters! And what makes us special and unlike most adult friendships is that we are authentic! We tell the truth to each other, even when it is not what the other wants to hear. We are compassionate, kind and forgiving. We champion and celebrate our goals and accomplishments. We stand in the gap when we are needed for whatever. We are not messy, hateful or mean (not that we are by any means perfect) however, we truly love each other! It’s all this that shifts the friendship paradigm and propels us to a new level of being…… its the level of family.

And we are nothing particularly special but oh so special – if you know what I mean. We are teachers, hairdressers, accountants, chemists, personal trainers, entrepreneurs, real estate agents, stay at home wives/mothers, Lab Managers, medical office professionals. Each one unique and extraordinary in their own right. We bring to the table different experiences, knowledge, personalities and skill sets that feed our group. We live and work among many but have a distinct connection and community with each other. We chose each other and have weeded through the muck and many a mean girl to find the group we have. My hope that is that my daughters and my friends daughters see us a beacon of light of what friendship can be and strive to get there themselves. I hope others in our sphere of influence see us and learn a thing or two from our group.

Now for a quick PSA (hollering this from my imaginary megaphone)——Moms of daughters….. TEACH your girls to be this kind of friend. KNOW how they treat their friends and other girls in their class/school and correct them if they are off track. Quit fighting the fight for your daughter to be “right” and be open to maybe your daughter did hurt someone’s feelings or isn’t the best friend to others —– stop encouraging “popularity” and focus on kindness!!!!! Women we must do better!

Thank you to my tribe for your authentic friendship – much love to you all! And cheers to many more years of friendship and eventually…. nursing home shennanigans….. lol

Warren Shorty Breaux was my uncle. But he was also a brother, cousin and friend to many. People in the Sulphur Community saw him ride his bike all over town some knowing very little about him other than he had a smile and a wave for everyone. Today I want to share my perspective of who he was.

He was 1of 7 children born to my grandmother. They were a very poor family – He went to work early in his life to help his mom support their family. ( my mom told me that his first job was a shoe shine boy (which if you think about it this was a job with a humbling position), he worked as a dishwasher – they had to get him a stool to stand on – the apron was too long for him., and many other odd jobs throughout his young life.)

He had little more than an 7th grade education but was a hard worker all of his life. He never married – although he almost did once. He was a merchant marine and travelled all over the world working. He didn’t always ride a bike – he had a car and drove. He even had a corvette. He was the best dancer – he taught my mom to jitterbug. When he was home and I was a little girl – I would wait for him to come and pick me up. He would tell me – Let’s go Honky Tonking” – which really meant – let’s go get coffee milk at the Pitt Grill. He never had any children. His nieces and nephews were the closest he had. We all loved him – and it was a big deal when you finally grew taller than Uncle Shorty.

The generosity the community sees in his latter years was always there. He always provided for my grandmother. When my mom married my dad she did not have the money for a wedding dress – Shorty stepped forward and paid for her dress. and I am certain there are many more similar stories within our family of his generosity.

He never wanted to be front and center or boastful about his generosity within the family. He was always kind and giving. After he retired many years ago, He gave up driving and started getting around on a bike. That bike started his legacy of collecting cans and then pull tabs, and the rest was history. He donated thousands of dollars from his pull tabs to the Ronald McDonald House and did many charitable acts in this community.

He had his route that he rode for many years and would stop in and visit all of his friends around town. He had quite the social circle. I heard a similar story of him as a young boy getting on the bus system in Lake Charles riding around making his rounds when he was only 10 or 11 years old. He was social even then- he liked to visit and when I would stop in town when I spotted him and talk to him he would always tell me where he was going, who he was going to visit and of course about his pull tabs!

He lived a simple life but he lived it to the fullest. He took what he had to work with and made a beautiful life filled with people who he touched everyday.

For those in our community and my family – I hope you take away from Shorty – that a life well lived will never include how much status you have, how much money you make or how many things you have accumulated. A life well lived and the legacy Shorty leaves is one of humility, kindness and giving.

There is story in the bible about the Widow’s Offering: Mark 12 verse 41-44 says

⁴¹ Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. ⁴² But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.

⁴³ Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴ They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

This is Jesus’s best description of what we have witnessed in Shorty. He had nothing.. Truly owned nothing. But even in his nothingness he found something to give. Max Lucado says No One Can do everything, but EVERYONE can do something! Shorty found his something and did it with passion, love and kindness. And his passion was contagious …..

What a great lesson for future generations and what an amazing legacy left by a little man who had no status or fortune – just a bike, a smile, a handshake, some pulll tabs and a desire to do good! We should all strive to live by what Shorty modeled for us.

I want to personally thank several people for your kindness and generosity to my Uncle throughout the years:

• Joe McMurry – who gave him a place to live for the longest time and was good to him.
• Betty and Mitch Martin for giving of your time and attention for coffee talk when he stopped by
• Jennifer Watts – who gave him her endless friendship – always looked after him and championed him in the community. She went above and beyond for him and we are forever grateful
• Roxanne and Donald Doucet for allowing Shorty to move in to your apartments after the storm and being so kind to him when he needed anything as well as your generosity through these last few days.
• To the community of donors (in name and anonymous), Judy Goodner and the funeral home who covered all of his funeral expenses. We are blown away by your generosity.
• To all the community members who rallied around Shorty and provided him bikes over the years. It kept him connected, doing what he loved, moving around and staying healthy for such a long time. Thank you Thank you Thank you
• John Bridges for highlighting his goodness on TV for all to see and taking your job a step further and extending your friendship to Shorty
• For the City of Sulphur and all of the Mayors that recognized him for the his contributions to our community and beyond, especially Chris Duncan.
• To all his friends and acquaintances that waved, smiled, chatted with him and looked out for him! We thank you.

We will certainly miss his smiling face riding his bike all over this town. But I know he was greeted at the gates of Heaven and heard the words…. Well done my good and faithful servant. Well done.

I have written small tidbits of the most amazing love story (outside of mine and Dean’s) that has been unfolding over the last year. I have been holding on to this story for a while, allowing this beautiful couple some space and time. And like most stories there are stories within stories – I have written about these nested narratives before and how in life – they appear and need to be told to get the full breadth of the stories they reside in.

When my dad passed away my mother was riddled with grief, as we all were. She owned that brutal, devastating grief for a long long time. Until…. there was him. He was walking in his own grief after losing his beloved wife of many years to cancer. A chance meeting and some super pushing from me – and they connected. At first, I could see she was torn…. torn from 55 years of marriage vs. wanting to grab hold of something new in her redefined existence. She chose to take a leap and be ok with different. I tell her all the time that different isn’t always bad…. its just different. So after many months of fighting it she embraced that Craig was the one… And for me having my own love story I paralleled what I knew about how I was treated, loved and adored to what I saw.. and Craig absolutely adores and loves my mother. Her tears have been turned into laughter…. Laughter abounds when they are together and even when they are apart I hear her tell funny stories about him and she laughs.

What can I say about Craig. Some of you that know about me and my dads relationship might be a little shocked at my open arm willingness to welcome this man into the role that was left vacant by my dads passing. I always knew I was mature enough to want my mother to move on in her life – and I thought when she does I will be respectful of this new person in her life. What I never imagined is that GOD would fill that void so fully for me. Craig showed up and stood in the GAP for all of us and soothed our sadness. He so beautifully told my mother – that I am not trying to take T-boy’s place – I am just trying to finish where he left off. And he has – in every aspect and role of life my dad played – Husband, Father and Grandfather.

Same as my mother had loss in her story so does Craig… doubly so. He not only lost his wife of many years to cancer but he also suffered the most tragic loss a parent can… losing his only son when he was only in college. A life cut short. With Mac gone, so are the things we as parents look forward to: The marriages, The grandchildren, the great grandchildren, the family gatherings, etc. A void bigger than most of us can imagine.

When he and my mom fell in love, the rest of us fell in love with him as well. He has welcomed us into his life with open arms and taken us on as his own – kids, grandkids, animals and all. A void filled on both sides of this equation. GOD’s handywork at its finest. Ephesians 3:20 “Now all glory to GOD, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think” When you step back and look at it from a 100 foot view you must cling to that scripture and know that GOD’s hand is in this and revel in the wonder of how beautiful it actually is!

Craig has a beautiful spirit and is funny as shit. He brings with him 2 beautiful sisters and an amazing circle of friends….friendships that have been forged over decades…. Mom being the social butterfly fits perfectly into that life. And together they have plans…. plans to see the country and even the world. To keep connected to the people they love and to laugh a whole lot along the way.

A wedding is forthcoming this weekend. October 8, 2021! And the planning has been a journey to say the least but has been fun for me and my sister – not many people get to say they helped their mother plan her wedding – its a beautiful role reversal.

What a beautiful and true testament this story is that GOD can turn mourning into dancing, our grief to joy. Stay tuned for wedding pics and more stories!

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Divorce changes you. In many ways. But all who have been divorced know that you come out of the process broken, armored up and a little worse for wear. When I emerged, although I felt better – I could breathe easier and I had a plan for what I wanted my life to look like – I still had triggers, guarded emotions and just plain broken tendencies from years of a bad relationship.

As hard as I try those survival skills that I needed to get me through hard core divorce battle and re-establishing life as a single woman won’t go away that easy. They appear often even now in my married life when they are not needed. The triggers show up even though I know I am safe and loved. Add some PMS to those situations and at times I can be quite a challenge – for anyone.

Here’s where my story gets super beautiful. GOD knew all of this – he knew my struggles and what I would continue to struggle with and he delivered DEAN… I might would call him JOB from the bible, as his patience through suffering perseveres lol.

Marriage is work – we all agree to that old adage, however remarriage is even more work. So many lives intersecting, blending of families – but moreover so much trauma, triggers and history trying to heal, come together and be better for each other. Only if you are purposeful in trying to be better for each other do you survive.

I am prickly at times. I have flashbacks in some situations, to feelings that are 20+ years old – and in response I armor up!!! I want to be in control but want him to be in control – yes you read that right. Stop, go, yes, no – its exactly like that. Dean tells a story that so accurately depicts this real life struggle. When Dean first came to town and owned the bike store there was an older gentleman that had founded the local bike club aka “The Bike Club President”. He reached out to Dean and wanted to pass the torch to him and engage a younger generation so that the club would continue. But anytime Dean went to change the way things worked in the Bike Club – the former bike club president would jump in and have his say. He wasn’t quite ready to give up power, yet he said he wanted to. So often Dean uses this story to describe me – “The bike club President” – How I want him to take control yet I don’t want to give up control. And hence, everyone is left struggling for control, doing a dance trying to find position within our marriage. Dean is so good at using humor to call me out on this and it is funny. But like most things I struggle with – this is a leftover from the trauma of divorce. However I am learning to surrender and allowing my husband to lead. Again the patience of JOB I tell you!

What I have noticed in my moments of pushing myself to be better and do better – I look up to find someone in my life that LOVES me in a way no one has ever loved me. It is overwhelming at times how completely he loves me and to the depth in which he does. What I experience with Dean leaves me numb sometimes – like its all too much for my senses to be loved and adored like he does. Its palpable, people see it – our friends feel it. It even jumps off the screen in pictures. It’s real.

His love and how he loves me so completely pushes me everyday to do it better for US. To continue to grow in our relationship and figure it out. It is an honor for me to push myself beyond my comfort level and do something that feels vulnerable and uncomfortable for my marriage – for him. He so deserves it.

Moral of the story…. there is much work left to do even after you find Your Person. Keep pushing yourself, identifying what is holding you back and communicate!

I love that man…