When the cornonavirus first came onto the scene in the USA none of us had a clue how our lives would be changed and for how long we would be living this altered universe nightmare. As these crazy times roll forward with new information added from officials on a daily basis, the media frenzy of blow by blow gloom and doom of the virus and new mandates that change our basic way of life – I have struggled. Struggled with what the life I so purposefully built will now look like. I have struggled with how to protect my children, especially the one of the bunch that is the most vulnerable. I have struggled with the setbacks of the girls school year and what it will look like when and even if they return to school. I am sure my struggles are very similar to others in our country. And I have struggled for perspective – how can i live my best life with the hand I’ve been dealt. Once again, just like with divorce – I am left to find a new normal – a new way of life.
And to be very honest, I have been resistant to change, resistant to the reality that life as I once knew it is gone forever – I want it back. But just like with all things, after the temper tantrum I throw is over, I try to find perspective on the situation. And here is what I have come up with.
Life is different, but as I am well aware of – different isn’t always bad – its just different. Throughout the last 6 months I have gotten to experience the best family quality time ever. All of my kids have been home (which I love) and because we are stuck at home we have had to make the most of idle time. Puzzles, nerf wars, cooking, board games, volleyball. We have had some great times making the best memories. And oh the spirited debates we have over topics such as Masks, Vaccines, immune systems, Politics, etc. It offers great comedic relief as we all banter back and forth.
I fully realize how my life would just not be the same without my friends. They offer so much connection and joy in my life. And as the old saying goes – absence makes the heart grow fonder – well its certainly true – I miss them dearly and when we do have an opportunity to get together, I can feel the sheer exuberance and excitement of being together even if we are social distancing outside having a conversation or riding our bikes or having a meal together. I do long for the days when our visits are more frequent and we can see each other more regularly.
Lastly and certainly not least – I am learning to be ok with life at a slow pace, learning to recognize the extraordinary in the simple and small everyday things. And if life is THIS for the rest of my days – I will grieve a bit for what once was but I will also embrace the beauty in a slow and simple life. I have also embraced that doing life with a partner like Dean and having a beautiful relationship like we do – makes life in general fun and exciting – even in the simplest of interactions or the mundanes of everyday life. I have been super focused on getting fit and eating healthy and to have my partner cheering me on and joining me in physical activities such as biking, running, tennis swimming, etc makes life even sweeter.
Just to close…. this virus, economic shut down sucks – don’t get me wrong. I hate it and empathize with small business owners like me and employees that are now unemployed or furloughed just like everyone else. I just can’t live in that “Mad at the World” bubble for long. I recognize it and must find a way of doing life and not wasting anymore time worrying and fretting over what I certainly can not fix. I will do what we can do for now and enjoy it to the fullest and If at the end of the day back porch afternoons with Dean and the kids is all I have….. then I will gladly take it. (but i am fervently praying that I can resume traveling one day lol)