The last few weeks I have slowed down a bit from what has proven to be a busy summer (Stay tuned for a post about all my summer adventures). I needed to rest and gather my thoughts. I was again left struggling with my redefined relationship with my ex. That delicate dance of getting along is tricky and has proven to be hot and cold – really no middle ground. There is no tolerance level at all between the 2 of us – that quality has “left the building” so to speak. When I finally stopped running around and had a chance to collect my thoughts and my feelings on how we have derailed ourselves again, I am surprised what GOD is teaching me through these moments.
I have been beating my self righteous drum for quite a while now – Keeping account of all his wrong doings and keeping that commentary present in dialogues with others. But how does that get me anywhere? Repeating his flaws and faults while failing to mention my own pridefulness wasn’t pleasing to GOD nor was it helping us move into a stable co-parenting relationship. When an interaction with him presented itself I cloaked myself in that same self-righteous armor and went on attack – wanting to be right and WIN the argument, instead of approaching the situation with Humility. Stepping back and re-evaluating what wasn’t working for me and my ex, I took some time to pray. I could stay in that place that kept me frustrated and constantly battling OR I can take a different path. A path of Humility and Humbleness.
What I am learning is that approaching a situation with Humility does not equal defeat. THAT… is powerful my friends!. And look, I thought patience was tough to learn (still learning btw) – Humility is proving to be just as tough but worth it. When my children look at me and the way I have handled this entire situation – I want them to say – My mom handled one of the most difficult times in her life with Grace, Love, Forgiveness and most importantly Humility.
In this day and age Humility is an underrated quality, and I think misunderstood – at least it was by me. Humility is different than forgiveness. I forgive my ex for what he did – and I thought that would be enough. It was enough to free me from the bondage that came from my unforgiveness. But my ex is still present in my life and I must deal with him for many more years to come and so despite forgiving him – I was still stuck, which is where humility steps in. Humility is choosing to Honor GOD rather than arguing about what I deserve or focusing on how angry I am. Its being obedient to GOD and staying true to HIS teachings – ALL OF THEM.
So once again GOD revealed things that I didn’t necessarily think I would hear. Every time… when I focus on trying to fix someone else – GOD steps right in and shines that spotlight right back on me – encouraging me to fix the situation starting with fixing myself and this time with a little piece of humble pie.