This post began as a cry, more like a temper tantrum, that Holidays are Hard for me. And like most posts that are self absorbed and focused only on myself – God shined some perspective on me today and this post will not be a “stamp my feet” tirade of “what was” and “now what is not” but a post about “Come and see what God has done!”
This journey of divorce is hard and I have chronicled the things I have struggled with over the last 2 to 3 years in this journey. And although there have been tough things (really tough things) to overcome this is one I have yet to master and still struggle with every year. Holidays are tough for me. They are a bit tainted and a stark reminder of what is broken forever. To know that all of my children will forever have to balance and schedule their time with 2 households to celebrate the holidays – separate and apart saddens me. That delicate dance they must now do not to hurt any feelings on the parent homefront. And I know that dance will become increasingly more difficult when they are married and have children of their own to consider. So my heart aches for lots of different reasons. But this Christmas season although I started as a Grinch I have been transformed into “a woman who is in awe of the power of prayer and what GOD is doing in the lives of others around me.” This Christmas season is bright with Hope that someone that I have prayed for many many years is dealing with their issues and has hope that one day they can be whole and can redefine their legacy. I step back and recognize that many prayers are being answered – that God is working in my ex-husbands life. I just keep reminding myself that GOD’s timing is perfect. And how much more perfect than when I am struggling to see the light in this Christmas Season, a light shines bright on a little bit of GOD’s work and I’m reminded about the JOY of the coming of Christ – that he came to earth to walk among us, in hopes that everyone be saved. That’s an attitude changer for you.
So even though my Christmas traditions are no longer and I must look for new ones – I am going to celebrate this joyous occasion and exclaim “Come and See what GOD has Done! because he is doing great things, working them out, making all things right.
I am also so blessed and lucky to be surrounded by many close friends who sometimes give me a wake up call, shake me out of my bad attitude and speak the truth – the harsh truth – that although my holidays have changed a bit and I must share my children that it can still be good – just different. And what puts things in perspective for me is that my colorful collaboration of friends are celebrating the holidays in grand style even though one sits with the loss of child, one the loss of her beloved father, another the devestation of divorce and broken children and yet they see the Joy in the Season. I have a lot to be thankful for – good friends, healthy and wonderful children and my relationship with them, great work family, supportive family, a life coach that rocks, Do I have it all figured out – what will my new holiday traditions be – no I have not even a clue. But those will evolve as life goes on and I will muscle through Christmas morning without my children knowing that I am blessing anothers life with my generosity in allowing those moments to be shared from year to year.
I will take the opportunity of Christmas morning without my kids to spend supporting a friend who is going through the same struggles that I know so well with this being their first Christmas as a redefined family.
Holidays are Hard….. I am hopeful they will get easier with time but in the meantime I choose Joy and I choose to see Christ in this blessed season. He is the reason for the season after all. Merry Christmas……