I am always so curious about people’s priorities in life, specifically those that I find are opposite of what one portrays them to be. My curiosity stems from being forced into a life where there is division, where lives go in different directions and although my focus has always been on the path I am walking down – one can not help but look towards the path the other is walking and scratch their head.
So let me talk this out.
Some relationships are meant for lifetimes, some are for just seasons. Break ups happen – friendships end, marriages dissolve. I know this and have come to terms with those that have left my life for whatever reasons – finding the purpose in their departure as well finding joy and happiness. Along this journey for the last almost 12 years I have watched from a distance, sometimes with popcorn – well almost always with popcorn – at their path in life, the choices they make, the carnage they leave behind and the ripple effect that eventually gets to me (through my kids). I have dealt with it, pivoted when I needed to, developed internal strategies to limit exposure and at times have wiped tears, prayed that God would salve the wounds, and despite circumstances kept advocating and moving forward with my little family.
It still rivets me to this day – almost 12 years later at how misaligned we are. While I am focused on our last child who needs a lot of extra care and concern, has a real need for parents that have an elevated understanding – His focus is on small town politics, inserting himself into drama that does not pertain to him and making billboards to humiliate people who have chosen to serve their community. We are not the same. I am scheduling family tennis nights and he is trolling facebook defending someone who cheats on their wife. Again we are not the same.
The more time that passes the wider and wider is the gulf that separates us even as human beings.
And look – my version of a beautiful life is not the same version that everyone will adopt – I know this. But foundationally, good decent human beings have relatively the same overarching goals – goodness, kindness, joy, love, etc. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case in this instance – it is proven time after time across the span of 12 years. I won’t ever understand….
But God gives me a peace, which surpasses all understanding and this peace will guard my heart and mind, when I just don’t understand….
