life – Life After Blog…

When I was in elementary and middle school, obviously we didn’t have cell phones so at recess and during our lunch period we had pencil battles – anyone remember this? Where you would have your opponent flick your pencil to see if they could crack it. Pencils were all the rage lol. So were pencils that had characters, representative of what was popular, from Star Wars, Hello Kitty and even specialty pencils that had customizable sayings on them and everything in between. For me, I loved Care Bears and collected Care Bear pencils. I loved them so much I never sharpened them or used them – just had them. My mother kept them for me for all these years, in a box, unsharpened, unused – pristine. I was funny about my things – I also had a Hello Kitty notepad – never used, not 1 note off the note pad written on or torn off.

In the early years of my relationship with Dean, I remember telling him the story of the Care Bear pencils. This story became symbolic in his life with me to describe things in my life that I like the same – never changing and those things that are mine that I wanted a certain way. It became a running joke. During our journey through marriage, there have been many instances where I am unwilling to bend on stupid topics just because I like things the same – unsharpened if you will lol. And Dean in his humorous way took that unwillingness to change by me in stride and would joke about my pencils saying “Go Count your Pencils” or some other funny reference to my unsharpened pristine Care Bear Pencils.

Today is our 5 year anniversary. Over the past 5 years I have truly committed to working on being a better version of myself as well as being a Good Partner for my husband. Part of doing that is being open to his opinion (not just my own), working towards things that benefit our life together as a unit, not being so rigid and being open and flexible to creating a reality that we, as a couple, have a say in – not just my agenda and my way or the highway. Some of my rigidity comes from trauma of my past marriage and healing those wounds takes time, some of it is just who I am lol. Dean is as patient as Job from the bible and allows me space to get there on my own – loving me the whole way.

The traditional 5 year anniversary gift is wood. Pencils are wood. So in a box, in the attic, under 40+ years of memorabilia – I find them and know that this gift on our anniversary is perfect. I sharpened each pencil willingly and ceremoniously gave them to Dean as a symbol that I am ready…. ready to share my now sharpened pencils and I am ready for things that are ours…. And on cue, as God’s timing would have it, Dean and I bought a lot to build OUR home on. Funny how things work out, how opportunities that had once presented themselves years before, now seem to find the space to work out – maybe because I am ready now and before I wasn’t quite there yet. Like I said God’s timing is so perfect!

So cheers to 5 years and forever to go…. Please pray for Dean and his new pencils as we journey this project TOGETHER.

As I always do, this time of year leads me to take a look back at what I have accomplished and forward at what I want to accomplish in the coming year. This year doesn’t have grand goals of conquering new business conquests and racing forward to become queen of the world in 2024. When I think of 2024 the first words that comes into my mind are “Slower Pace”, “Take A Breath”, and “Being Ok with Slow and Settled”. Previous to divorce my life was a swirling hurricane of chaos. After divorce, my life wasn’t as chaotic but there was a lot of change and to cope I kept moving and shaking. Now, after a period of healing and being happily married it is time to take a breath, look around and enjoy the sights.

Having just muddled through the Christmas Holidays again this year, it definitely needs an application of “slower pace” , “take a breath” and a complete overhaul. For the last couple of years I have not been in the Christmas Spirit and even in 2022 skipped the Holiday all together. After talking with some friends this year, I have finally figured out what was so unsettling about Christmas for me. Christmas has become this overdone Holiday that overlooks the real reason for the season and is riddled with mass amounts of excess! It is just nauseating to think what has become of Christmas – now “the celebration of me buying you a gift when you have everything you need or want.” Many years ago, Christmas was necessary – small gifts were exchanged of necessity driven items. Now – this is not the case – everyone has so much and people have the means to buy what they want all year long – instant gratification. When I think back to Christmas celebrations when I was a little girl – my memories are of big family gatherings – togetherness – laughter and lots of food. I don’t remember gift exchanges being the center of all activity. Not sure how and when we let the glutenous commercialized version of Christmas overtake the simplistic, family oriented Christmas’ of past generations. And the same goes for Easter, Valentine’s Day, etc. I, for one, will be righting this wrong, soooo – starting with 2024 going forward, Holidays as a whole will be focused on Time spent being together, taking a breathe and enjoying the simple things of life- And instead of the hustle and bustle, it will be spent embracing a bit slower pace.

In 2024 we will be spending more time at our little camp where things are a little bit off the grid with very little cell service and no internet. Where there is a whole lot of togetherness – kids share rooms and bathrooms and there is nothing to do per se but be together. Although we know we will get a ton of push back from the kids, they will be spending their fair share of “family time” at the camp. It is so important (even if they hate it) for them to decompress and have some time off of the phone and social media. So many people I talk to long for the simpler times, that of their parents and grandparents – before social media drove the excess of every day life – the must have’s, the bigger and betters, the trendy and the over-documented. For me and mine – we will embrace that simple and slower pace – family focused existence, even if just for weekends. Some solitude and peace is better than none.

Another area of focus that I think gets marginalized, minimalized and hijacked by mainstream America is marriage. I am going to be intentional with leaning into my marriage. Taking time to cultivate respect, communication, transparency, togetherness at a whole new level. Dean is so old school and hasn’t allowed the world or his past experiences to move the needle in providing the very foundations of what marriage should be. I have been lagging a bit, allowing my past traumas to take center stage and to be my go to. It is way past time for me to rise above those things and make an active choice to do different and show up in my relationship with the same love, trust, healthy communication and resolution skills that Dean shows up with EVERY DAY!

And even though we want to slow life down a bit it doesn’t mean we will be sedentary. We will still be engaged with Tennis and our Tennis family, Mardi Gras and my beautiful circle of friends. I will be adding more activities where Dean and I do some couple focused activities – from biking to nature driven activities – even things as simple as taking a walk together on the lakefront. Activities that drive time together and connection. I want my life to reflect that relationship means more than things do. My tennis family suffered a devastating loss of our friend and teammate this past year and it reminded us all that life is fragile and tomorrow is never promised – and that at the end of your life all that really matters are the memories you made and the people you made them with.

As for 2023 – I more than accomplished what I set out to and am ready to turn the page and do something different and against the grain. I hope I look back at the end of 2024 and feel as accomplished as I do now. This year will no doubt be just as big a challenge – but its so needed and wanted. SO goodbye 2023 and cheers to a 2024!

I will leave you with some pictures from 2023 that represent some fantastic times of togetherness and connection (which was last years theme)!