I have been struggling lately with what to say in my blog. I do not want to sound like a broken record – life is hard, holidays are tough, blah blah blah. So after coming off of an Easter Holiday that was spent half in tears and half in “heaven” surrounded by all of my children and family it has taken me a while to collect myself enough to write about something… anything for that matter.
So my post today is about Loyalty, because I have seen and experienced examples of TRUE loyalty and what it looks like as opposed to the “not real” noodlely kind of loyalty (yes I made that word up.)
During this journey of divorce, my friends have shown up in full force to rally around me, stand in the gap for me. make me laugh and support me when I really need it. Even 3 years down the road there are still times I need to call for reinforcements. Here is a glimpse of what I mean.
Since before Thanksgiving the relationship between my ex and I has been ok. We have set aside our differences and have made concerted efforts to “play nice” especially in front of the kids. What I have not written about is that the “playing nice” also includes his girlfriend (or whatever she is these days). The 20 something year old girl who was dating my ex-husband while we were married. You get the picture? I have set aside my feelings for the greater good of my girls but this also requires me to swallow my pride and my words (a few choice ones too) when the 3 of us attend any school function, field trips, extracurricular activity or kid focused celebration (birthday, gotcha days, graduation, etc). Its a hard pill for me to swallow – very hard. Most days I walk away from those “together times” feeling a bag of mixed emotions – from sadness to anger and everything in between but yet I smile (at least most of the time) through it all for my kiddos. Those feelings take time to go away each time we have to be in the same space and yet by the time I am feeling better its time to do it all again – day after day – week after week – event after event. Its a viscous cycle.
BUT! There are my friends that know me and know how hard those times are and change their schedules and go out of their way to be there for me. They take vacation from work to drive with me to Houston to sit at a Hospital all day because they know I will be not only struggling worrying about my child who is having surgery but also having to deal with the dynamic of having those 2 in my space. THAT is what Loyalty looks like my friends. All I have to do is text that I need reinforcement and my friends come running, some just know that I am struggling because they know me so well and show up in various ways without a prompting from me. Those that live out of town and can’t be there physically always find time to call or text to help alleviate the awkwardness and my sadness. They come to birthday parties, even though their kids are grown, Gotcha Day Celebrations, Soccer games, etc. and they do it because they do love my girls but moreover because they are Loyal, true friends.
I have seen the opposite side of loyalty – the side that isn’t so loyal, both in my marriage and in so-called friends. Its not pretty and there is no value there. I guess what I have trained myself to see or am training myself to see through my trials, is the beauty and value in the relationships I have now, the small things that have a huge impact on me – the ones that make a difference in my life. Those small gestures that make the reality of my life and what I have to deal with a little easier to swallow and sometimes a little funnier too. Loyalty…. priceless. I will never live without it again!